I feel so alone at times. I seem to have no deep relationship with anyone. Even my husband often seems to be emotionally absent. My children are all busy with their own lives and partners. Its usually just me, all alone.
I know that I need to develop real friendships with people, but so often I choose people that are unhealthy who end up using me or hurting me. I don’t seem to know how to make quality friendships. I’m afraid to trust others. I’m unsure of safe boundaries.
Couples avoid me because my husband has an erratic work schedule (or so I think); singles avoid me because I’m married. So I feel lost and in a noman’s land (or no woman’s). Most people my age still work. I don’t because of my health problems. So the work connections I used to have are all gone. Perhaps people avoid me because they know I’m not well? In my own family, there’s so much physical distance that there’s no opportunity to develop intimacy. Finally, because I live in two countries, I can’t establish any volunteer work because I can’t make a full time commitment.
I guess I’ve got a lot of excuses, Lord. Maybe my excuses aren’t as bad as I think that they are. I need some help here.
I have all the time in the world to establish imaginary friendships in my writing world, and yet I don’t. I have so much information and talent to share with the world, and yet I don’t. I feel like such a failure.
Dear God, please help me to set some real achievable goals for my life. Help me to make some real solid friendships in my life before its too late. Help me to reconnect with my family and develop some meaningful relationships there. Please restore my family. Lord, I just want to be able to celebrate birthdays, Christmas and other occasions the way other families do.
Please help me to forgive those who have hurt me and my family. Please show me what to do to make things better.
Thank you for the group fellowship that I get in the churches that I attend. Please point me to the people that I can bless in even just a small way. Keep me busy Lord, and help me to feel useful to your service.
I am willing to be, in your service.